Yet sometimes, seeming "relationship challenges" — challenges getting into healthy relationship, or challenges within existing relationships — are, in fact, symptoms of different challenges entirely.

Sometimes, for example, we may be dissatisfied with our career. Not wishing to confront a troublesome issue, however, we submerge our awareness.

What then happens to the energy of our dissatisfaction?

It remains with us, and shows up in the ream of relationship!

At this point? We spin our wheels. "My partner isn't such-and-such enough!" we complain. Or: "I'll never find the person who is right for me!"

What to do when you find yourself in such a situation?

First, take all the actions you know of to improve the situation as it appears to you. But if you still find youself without traction, ask this question:

Is it possible the issue most in need of change lies elsewhere?

When you explore this question, with courage and self-acceptance, the answer will sometimes be "no." But it may sometimes be "yes." And if it turns out there is a separate issue needing attention, and if you are willing to confront that issue, your "relationship problem" will fall of its own weight.