Do you know what traits you need in another person for a relationship with that person to work?

If you don't, don't be surprised if your success in relationships feels out of your control.

When you buy fruit in the grocery store, you have standards.

What are your standards when it comes to human beings?

Our culture tells us we should not be "judgmental," and this is good advice: to the extent we want our relationships to work, we must keep our eyes and hearts open.

But when our aversion to being "judgmental" turns into an unwillingness to apply judgment, we hurt ourselves and others.

So how can you know what your needs are when you make your relationship choices?

Simple:

As you get involved with people, pay attention to what works and what doesn't work. Keep track. Make a list if you have to.

And, be open to revising your concept of who you are. You might have different needs than you think!